


Rather than never

by Ulqueleh (Ulquii)



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Chapter 319, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Gentle Kissing, Give GuanShan all the hugs, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I won't say that first kiss because we all know that's not their first kiss, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Pining, Ulquii is so in love with them that hurt herself while writing this, Wordless confession, all the feels, but - Freeform, this is longer than I thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25497091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulquii/pseuds/Ulqueleh
Summary: Tian stayed silent, making Mo go back to a few hours ago —the rain on his face and damping his clothes, the mud dirtying his shoes, the mud dirtying his shoes and sticking to the laces, the sudden rumble on his right and the trunk of a fallen tree going right at them with an avalanche of wet soil, the push from He Tian and the pull on his sleeve from Zhan Zheng Xi. Then the terrifying quiet, how his heart thumped with a punch of fear and adrenaline when he couldn’t find a sign of He Tian being alright. The desperation when scratching the mud away from the lump in the road, the tears combining with the rain still falling on them, the crack on his voice when calling his name, when demanding him to answer.He almost lost He Tian.He almost was the cause of his death when trying to save him.He almost-
Relationships: He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 127





	Rather than never

**Author's Note:**

> So. 
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> All the feels.
> 
> [¡Versión en español aquí!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498456)

His heart was beating hard, bruising against his ribcage, the feeling of He Tian wrapped on his arms quicken it just a fraction but at the same time calming him down. 

He almost lost him. 

He Tian almost _died_. 

“Hey.” 

Mo took a shaky breath, tightening his hold around Tian’s shoulders and burying his face on the crook of his neck. 

“ _Fuck_." 

“Little Mo...” 

“I thought you had fucking died...” 

He Tian went still on his arms, the weak hold around his waist holding him close. 

“Almost, though.” 

Anger boiled his blood and he pulled away to glare. 

“Don’t _fucking_...! Shit!” 

Tian tensed when GuanShan hugged him again, fiercer and more desperate, clutching his body against his with trembling but unwavering hands. He didn’t say anything, just turning his head a little and nuzzle into his short hair. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered a while later, after Brother Qiu had found them when Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi had gone to search for help, “Mo-” 

“Shut up,” GuanShan hissed between his clenched teeth, his hand holding Tian’s uninjured one, “Just fucking shut up.” 

He Tian had the audacity to smile at him, even when wincing and twitching away from Qiu’s medical ministrations on his dislocated shoulder. 

“You were worried about me,” he dared to taunt Mo, hours later when he was walking him home. 

Mo GuanShan was bitter about it, because it was He Tian who was injured and still tried to take care of him.

GuanShan hated being taken care of, specially by He Tian. 

“I didn’t want to owe you anything,” he half-lied, because he hates the idea of He Tian dying to protect him and being so fucking helpless to do something about it, “I wouldn’t know how to fucking pay you if you were fucking dead.” 

He Tian huffed, a smile tilting his lips, and Mo glared at him, trying to keep his voice leveled. 

“What’s so fucking funny?” he snapped, and there was a second where Tian’s smirk turned fond. Gentle. 

“You’ve been saying ‘fucking’ too much, Little Mo,” he came back to teasing, turning to him, “Were you really worried about unsolved debt?” 

GuanShan stopped walking, looking down to the ground, and He Tian paused a couple of steps further, watching him. 

“Little Mo?” 

“Of course,” he said, carefully avoiding to look at He Tian in the eye, “How else should I be able to pay you back?” 

Tian stayed silent, making Mo go back to a few hours ago —the rain on his face and damping his clothes, the mud dirtying his shoes and sticking to the laces, the sudden rumble on his right and the trunk of a fallen tree going right at them with an avalanche of wet soil, the push from He Tian and the pull on his sleeve from Zhan Zheng Xi. Then the terrifying quiet, how his heart thumped with a punch of fear and adrenaline when he couldn’t find a sign of He Tian being alright. The desperation when scratching the mud away from the lump in the road, the tears combining with the rain still falling on them, the crack on his voice when calling his name, when demanding him to answer. 

He almost lost He Tian. 

He almost was the cause of his death when trying to save him. 

He almost- 

“Shan.” 

He took a breath, looking up at Tian, suddenly a foot away from him and holding his face with his healthy hand, tipping his head up to look at him in the eye. 

“Hey, I’m okay,” He reassured, and GuanShan tried to believe him, tried to level his breathing, tried to imprint Tian’s presence with him, because one moment he would be here, touching him, and then the other he could be gone and- 

“Tian, I...” 

He found himself hugged with one arm, a nose buried on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, and Mo GuanShan closed his eyes, fighting the tears threatening to fall out of fear that He Tian risked his life for him, out of dread that he was really gone, out of relief when seeing him just a little hurt and smiling at GuanShan when he saw he was okay. 

“I’m here,” He Tian murmured, lips brushing over GuanShan’s pulse, “We’re okay.” 

And it was really shitty that it was He Tian —the one who almost died, the one with an injured shoulder, the one who should be resting at the hospital and reassured that everything was okay— who was trying to sooth him. 

Mo really is helpless against him. 

“Hey,” he said a few minutes later, when the tremor on his body stopped and the lump on his throat was eased, “Don’t ever do something as stupid as that again, you hear me?” 

He Tian scoffed, shifting to look at him, face to face. 

“Can’t make promises,” he muttered, too reckless for his own good, “How could I risk losing you?” 

Mo glared at him, wanting to growl, but Tian looked down between them to his pursued lips, making him breathless. 

“Can I collect the payment from saving your life, Little Mo?” he asked, and GuanShan blinked a few times, glancing down to Tian’s mouth. 

“What do you want?” he snapped, too softly, not pulling away when He Tian leaned a bit more to him, their lips just an inch away from touching. 

“Just some reassurance.” 

And maybe that was just a ploy to taunt Mo to agree, because he was desperate to sooth He Tian as much as he have done during the last few hours. And not only since the accident, too, but even before that. 

‘If anyone dares to bully you, I’ll beat them up.’ 

‘You are not fake or sneaky, and you don’t cheat.’ 

‘You are so good to me.’ 

‘Once you’ve told me, you won’t have to shoulder it alone anymore...’ 

‘You did nothing wrong.’

“Okay,” he murmured, too low to his own liking, and gasped softly at the tiny peck left on the corner of his lips, leaving him dumbfounded. 

“More?” He Tian teased when he pulled away and GuanShan kept staring at his smirk, “Oh, Little Mo, you’re such a per-” 

“Shut up,” he whispered, pulling him down from the hold on his neck, and kissed him the best he could without experience, some surprised sound getting caught between his mouth. 

And it didn’t matter, for how long Mo have been nursing these feelings and burning inside out for them, because it’s better to let them out sooner rather than later. 

Rather than never. 

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse me, I'm gonna go cry.


End file.
